UPDATE: still being a dumbass and daydreaming about the pretty girl
I’m just casually having a panic attack and feeling very suicidal and oh of course I listen to a song that brings flashbacks and somehow I start dissociating like I feel myself tear away from my body and like good job self bad defense mechanism but good try self
This shits getting real sad and real tiring!
For some reason suddenly I feel like I’m falling back into every bad behavior I’ve ever used ever. Like I’m falling back into the whole B/P cycle. I can’t stop counting calories. I’m running on the treadmill at midnight when everyone’s asleep just to burn calories. I’m cutting again like I was so desperate for a blade I broke my fathers box cutter. And I was so fucking happy to see the blood. And I want to drink. I want to get drunk. I want to lose control. I want to get high. I want to go back to smoking cigarettes. And FUCK suddenly I want to go back to my abuser. I want to be hurt again. I deserve it. Everything is going wrong! Why would I want any of that? All it did was cause me problems. But I want it all! Why am I so self destructive? Literally I just want to kill myself. Again!
It is ridiculous how incorrect my diagnoses are! My psychiatrist lists all my “problems” on the last page of the after visit summary and 2/5 are wrong!
Real sad boi hours
Tbh I’m kinda disappointed that I didn’t kill myself last night like wtf I should be dead! But no my weak self couldn’t do it and now I’m even more suicidal
i see a “different types of shading” chart pop up on my dash every now and then and while it can be helpful some of the examples don’t really showcase the shading type so well so i wanted to make my own. i mostly stick to cel or painted shading for my art!
i also included the layer effects i used to get the final product to look how it does. also forgot to mention i used the textured brush from the bottom right to blend a little bit of the painted shading!!
WHY would you want weed socks where you gonna wear those?? to church???? to school? to work? no you’ll wear them at home by yourself and take pics of them for the internet bc there’s little marijuanas on them
